i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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