Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
