and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
