You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
