R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
