He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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