Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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