i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Randomize
