if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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