he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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