dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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