Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
