the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
