i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
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