Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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