what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
