tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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