the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
