youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
