So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Randomize
