guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
