Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
