I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize