I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
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