Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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