There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
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