I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
