Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
