miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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