walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
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Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
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I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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