So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
