I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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