Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
