highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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