I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
