The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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