my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
We have so much sex to catch up on
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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