Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
