He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
