My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
