So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
birth control should be required to get into college
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
