where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
