he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
