The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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