She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
