therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
