You're my little dorito
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize