Cold hands, warm shart.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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