found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
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