she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
