I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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