I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
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Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
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