yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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