i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
