dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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