it hurts more in the daytime
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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