Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
