That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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