you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
