I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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