Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
