I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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