More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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