My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
