If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
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