I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
