did you get engaged???
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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