How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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