It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm gonna fight the coyote
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
