I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
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Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
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she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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