Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
