Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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