When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
