what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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