Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
