there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize