I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
