I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
