So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
