yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Randomize
