I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I just want nice things and good sex
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
