My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
