girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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