She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
tell me about the fingering
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