bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
