I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Randomize
