rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
