one might say we're banned from that church
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
