just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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