i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
i drank out of a bidet.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
