Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Randomize
