Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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