Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
